Sunday, April 25, 2004

TV consoling the hearts and minds of the revolutionaries
As The world continues to spin, despite all my efforts to stop it--for me its like being on a giant twirl-a-whirl after having some niches-- I continue to watch TV. I wonder what exactly it is about the TV that does it for me. Sitting in the warm glow of the boob-tube gives me a comforted feeling, like nothing bad can happen to me. All my works seem to go a way, and I am susceptible, especially at late nights to cheap advertising.
I realize that I really need those knifes, because who knows when I might have to cut my foot free of my shoe, or cut through a wall. I notice that the air in my house is filled will pollutants and I do need an air filter before I suffocate. I am remembered that last thanksgiving the turkey did take 5 hours and only 2 hours to cook 4 of them would be nice for when I have all of the French Army staying with me.
I Tend to think of my self as a fairly intelligent creature, somewhat on the level of mice and dolphins, yet I just can't stop watching TV and these infomercial. But why? Well, lets think about it now, I can't stop and I like the way it makes me feel. Guess what I am the same way with cocaine, I just can't stop. I am addicted to TV, but how did they do it.
I believe that there are subliminal messages being sent through the Television, that make me feel at peace. Clearly this diabolical scheme must have been set in motion by those nefarious TV stations, with all their greed. And yet I believe it is another entity that is brainwashing our children, our fathers, our brothers and our sisters.
It is rather the Government that has made me a couch potato. If I feel good watching TV I will never question the Governement. Heck If I had the choice of watching TV, or searching for the Truth about the war in Iraq, its TV all the way. This is the Governments way of subduing the public, the Romans had their breads and circuses, and our society has TV.
Without TV there would be riots in the streets, but instead we have to see what happens on the next friends episode. There will never be a revolution again in any country that has a decent TV set up in every single house.
But is that so bad. I like watching TV and isn't it worth giving up my civil liberties as long as the warm glow caresses my face for at least 2 hours a day. 2 hours of comfort will make me forget just about...

Beware of Fried chicken
Fried Chicken can be a dangerous choice, for those with a weak constitution. Who knew that one dinner item could cause so much internal problems. Truthful did we have to look all over the world, under rocks, in tunnels, behind places, for weapons of mass destruction when they are sitting right under our nose, or on our plates.
I am of course referring to KFC, or what is now (according to my Iraqi dissident sources) Kitchen Fresh Chicken. This mad corporation and its "secret recipe," single-handedly has the power to bring the country to its knees, or rather to their toilets. Think about it is there any other meal that guarantees stomach problems with such accuracy and precision, that it possibly equal the threat of KFC. Not only that, but any other sane corporation would realize that if their food made every single customer sick they would not have good return customers.
Which brings me to my next point: how is KFC getting people to return to their "fine" establishments. The only logical conclusion is one of two: KFC either has an incredible marketing department, rivaling the hypnotic powers of Disney, or they are drugging their customers. The first is obviously not the answer--have you ever seen a KFC commercial, what's with the old guy? Or George Kastanza, if I'm going to buy chicken its not going to be from the bald, nervous sidekick of Jerry Sinfield?
One must then assume that KFC is drugging their customers to get them to return. One must ask themselves, "Why is the recipe secret, what do they have to hide. It's just chicken, what could possibly make it so special?" The resounding answer is that they must have something to hide, in fact their recipe surly contains chemical and biological agents that seep into your mind; soon enough you will be carving more and more chicken, and eventually you become the mental equivalent of a chicken. It is a recipe for world domination.
But how could they possibly take over the world, Jack. Think about it, if every single family were to get their hands on KFC chicken at the same time, they would have all have to use the bathroom, at the same time. This causes many detrimental effects; families would fight amongst themselves for the use of the bathroom, resulting in millions of domestic injuries; the stress on the sewer system caused by 100 million simultaneous flushes, would clearly back up the world's plumbing system, causing chaos around the world--not to mention a terrible stench. But most importantly it gives them a window of opportunity, where every child, every citizen, every government worker, and every soldier is uncomfortably detained for a period of at least ten minutes (this stuff is quite potent).
During this time the colon. And his crack troops of cooks, with strategically placed bases in almost every tricounty area, are free to take over the US, and then the world.